Characters

 

Main Characters

Harry Horsefield

Harry Horsefield

Harry is a cheerful young horse who is never short of something entertaining to do. However, his ability to be impressed with rather mediocre past times and objects is countered by his extreme bad luck. There's never a happy ending for Harry, as it seems that destiny is prepared to completely abandon common sense in order to make sure that by the end of his day, he's no longer in one piece. Oddly, despite having such terrible misfortunes he always manages to cheat death in order to die another day. And the next day. And the day after that. Of course, bad luck isn't the only factor that contributes to his constant pain; living in a world where almost anyone he meets is willing to hurt him in some way plays its part too. The predictability of these deaths has started to rub off on Harry however, as he has lately begun to treat his inevitable dismemberment with a certain amount of resentment as opposed to fear and pain alone.

 

Toby the Terrorist

Toby the Terrorist

Toby is, as his name suggests, a terrorist. How effective a terrorist he is has yet to be determined as he's never actually taken part in the pointless killing of innocent people to please his imaginary friend. Toby is a devout scientologist and is prepared to kill anyone who mocks his religion, but this is more to do with disliking people having fun at his expense than it is about standing up for his faith. Toby is almost always grumpy, and only cheers up when Harry is in some form of pain. He is, however, willing to put aside his unprovoked hatred of Harry in order to use him for his own personal gain. Toby's feelings towards Pelican are much more neutral, probably because Pelican is smart enough to not annoy Toby, as he's known for his short temper.

 

Pelican

Pelican

Pelican is an oddball, well he was anyway. Introduced as a massive pelican with a tendency to carry odd, and dangerous, items around in his beak. However, once this got old, and Harry began to hate the sight of Pelican, he became a much more sensible character. His size is a constant mystery as his height, stance and dimensions seem to change from one day to the next. This would probably explain how Toby was once able to fit in Pelican's beak, despite Pelican's average height is shorter than Toby. Pelican is usually the most laid back of the main three, treating Harry's deaths with indifference, in fact, until his part time job of delivering babies, he never once displayed an emotion other than happy. Now he seems to be the most aware that the world he lives in is bloody stupid, being the only one to notice the ambiguous hair of the monster frequently encountered in Magic Quest. He also has an odd fear of cat-folk in that game too.

 

Amy

Amy

When Harry complained about there being no women around (except Rabbit Lady, but she's lame) he was presented with Amy. A cat. Since then he has tried numerous times to get with her. Much to her displeasure. Her initial hostility towards Harry and the world he inhabits has subsided somewhat, though she has nothing against hurting Harry in some way, but everyone does that at some point or other, so that doesn't count. As a relative outsider, she is still often confused by the less than logical proceedings of life in the comic and as such, can sometimes take up the good old role of 'disapproving female', a staple of all things comedic. So what she's doing here puzzles me.

 

Supporting Characters

Druggy from Episode 4

He's a druggy who appeared in episode 4, who'da thunk it?

Professor Toefingers

A surprisingly capable scientist and inventor, though the usefullness of his inventions is questionable. Professor Toefingers gets his name from his odd physical attribute of having toes for fingers. The fact that this is his surname hints that this strange defect is hereditary, or a giant coincidence. And before you ask, yes, he has fingers for toes.

Skeletons

The undead remains of people that roam the land with one goal in mind: to feast upon the delicious flesh of horses. It's not a rare sight to see a skeleton don a cunning disguise (well, a hat) and trick an unfortunate horse out of its flesh. Their king is a very well known celebrity.

Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny approaches his job of hiding eggs with an odd sense of dedication, always looking for the sneakiest places to do so. His otherwise pleasant nature is ruined somewhat by his slight tendency to be a bad loser.

Rabbit Lady

If the essense of being lame was ever personified, Rabbit Lady would be that personification. Pelican is the only person with an actual reason to dislike her, everyone else just joins in.

Chimp Doctor

Potentially the worst doctor ever. His healthcare is lethal to say the least, not that he's a bad person, no. He wants to help, he just doesn't have a clue how to, this is what happens when you buy discount PhDs. From gypsies. Still, some of his medicines are rather clever, it's a shame there's no practical use to becoming allergic to your own brain.

Shady Iguna

Getting your face on a T-shirt is surely a safe procedure right, right? This iguana doesn't seem to grasp this, though anyone who takes a look at him and assumes they're safe is just asking for trouble. Lizards shouldn't even be able to grow stubble.

Scientology Terrorists

Hakaahasharak and... the beardy one. The finest terrorists from Toby's old cell. Like Toby, they don't do much terrorist stuff but they still take their dumb little beliefs seriously. Any infidel that does not hate Xenu will pay.

Concrete Head

Who doesn't like a superhero? No one of course. And what if a certain superhero has a concrete block for a head? Oh... Concrete Head is a rather pathetic super hero, though he's not really super, or a hero. Still, he starred in a crappy spin off.

Michael Jackson

Well known as the (now deceased) King of Pop. First appearing while truly alive, he expressed a desire to steal Harry's nose. The true intentions of this nose thievery are sort of revealed when he reappears, post death. Is he really just a pop star, or is he something a whole lot more sinister?

Cancer

The embodiment of the disease, Cancer spreads misery and grief wherever he goes. Because he's evil, of course. Contrary to popular belief, Cancer takes the form of an angry crab with a shotgun. So now you know.

The Copycats

Hirry, Tuby and Pelicon. Where they came from, no one knows. Funnily enough Harry, Toby and Pelican don't approve of them, which is probably why the big big fight broke out.

Rolak and Diy

Rolak the dwarf and Diy the cat-person-thing are two players' characters from the Magic Quest computer game. They met our reluctant heroes in a tavern, offering them a game of chance. Such an offer would never be taken up, as Pelican decided cat-people-things look terrible and left. Such horror would stick with Pelican, however, as a certain bad trip revealed.

Toby's mum

Toby's overly interfering mum, or mom for our American cousins (English, ur doin it wrong) is the one person who can order Toby around. Whether this is because he respects her, or fears her is unconfirmed. She only wants the best for her son, but her ways aren't exactly the most helpful, but she's old and grumpy, just be glad she isn't telling you about that good old days.

King Walrus

Insanity as regality? Madness. Some would say that King Walrus isn't exactly a very good ruler, as all he seems to do is hand out random awards, but there's very little crime in his kingdom, and if a shop that sells only torches can be successful then the economy must be doing OK. Never underestimate a mad walrus.

Scat Pterodactyl

It's a pterodactyl, and before you ask, its preferred scat is the singing variety, and not that other type, that'd be terrible. Still though, its constant singing does get annoying, which could lead to it becoming extinct if it continues.

Mr. Bear

A grouchy bear that owns a chocolate factory. While his chocolate factory might be bright and cheerful and the Spanka Wankas happily do their thing (best not to ask) he remains borderline depressed and finds his only joy at the bottom of a bottle of whisky. It's a good idea not to annoy him, he has a habit of breaking knees.

Harald Hardrada Sr.

Harry's dad. Inexplicably named after the King of Norway killed in 1066. While he used to be extremely protective of his family, as he got older he became slightly mental and was committed to Sulphur Hills Home for Bat-Shit Insane Horses after experimenting in arachnomancy. He then broke out.